Wandering in the Wilderness

“Then Moses led Israel from the Red Sea and they went into the Desert of Shur.” (Exodus 15:22)

  With that verse, the Israelites began their long wandering in the desert.  The 12 plagues and the Red Sea crossing behind them, they faced a foreboding wasteland void of sustenance.   I have a special understanding of what that must have felt like.  We here at Family Promise are entering our own desert wandering of sorts.

                In the past month, I have watched as two of our guest families moved from homelessness to beautiful new duplexes just behind Anderson Interfaith Ministries.  I have been privileged to see how Anderson Interfaith Ministries, the Women and Children Succeeding program, and Homes of Hope all worked together with Family Promise to give both of these families a real chance at long term success and independence.  Both mothers have worked so hard to get where they are.  Countless volunteers and community residents have stepped forward to help them—one group donated furniture, another donated housewares, yet another donated a bed.  One volunteer stepped up and donated a vehicle so one mom could get back and forth to work.  Knowing both of these families like I do, I believe they deserved everything that was given to them—they continue to work hard to re-establish themselves.  Both will continue to go to school while working.  Both already have Associate’s degrees.

         Just this week I watched as a family donated a mini-van out of the blue to help someone in need.  The guest family that received that mini-van had 4 children—4 children that didn’t fit in the Jeep Grand Cherokee they owned.  The day we transferred the mini-van, I got a call from someone in the community telling me another family’s car had been stolen, and if they didn’t have transportation soon, they would lose their employment and would be applying to enter Family Promise.  I hung up the phone and the mother of the family that received the mini-van looked at me and smiled.  “I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee they can have” she said.  This is a woman who has 4 children and is homeless; yet, she is willing to surrender her vehicle to help someone else in need.

                The delivery from Egypt and the crossing of the Red Sea may seem more “miraculous,” but in my mind they pale in comparison to the miracles I see every day at the hands of our volunteers.  In spite of the stress of being homeless, the challenges of employment, transportation, and moving every week while in the program, with the help of our host and support congregations, guest families are surviving and even thriving.  Over 70 children have come through our doors in the two years we have been serving homeless families—each and every one of those children have learned what grace means through the helping hands of our congregations.

              Now we are in a “wandering” of sorts as an organization, temporarily closing to guest services in order to make us more financially stable.  Boulevard Baptist Church will be hosting a meeting on Tuesday evening, September 4 at 7pm to discuss the particulars of where we go next.  There are a lot of unknowns ahead.  Chances are I will not complete this journey with you.  I want to encourage those of you who have walked with Family Promise thus far to remember why we do this: remember the children.  Think of all the kids you have met while serving in Family Promise; know that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING separates those children from your own children other than circumstance.  Remember that volunteers like you are the people they remember when they grow up; you make the difference between them becoming a burden to society and them becoming contributors to society.  Is a little of your financial support and a few hours of your time four times a year worth transforming the life of a single child?  One day, I foresee one of those children growing into adulthood and committing themselves to helping Family Promise—completing the circle so to speak.  Please remember in the midst of all the “wandering” that will follow in the next few weeks the fundamental reason we do this: homeless children.  If at all possible, please plan to come to our meeting on September 4.  Give your input and show your support for Family Promise.

 

          It is intriguing that God issues a warning to the Israelites as they enter the wilderness:  “If you listen carefully to the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you.”   I think this is a warning we should heed as well. 

         Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.”   Perhaps, we should consider this: if our community was judged by how we treat the “least of these” within our boarders, would we be praised or condemned, healed or diseased?

Mathematics of Poverty III: Three Facts About Moving Out of Poverty

     Continuing with our theme about poverty, I think we must first acknowledge some facts: first and foremost, we have to accept that a sort of mathematic equation for poverty exists.  Add a bad childhood to a few poor life choices in middle and high school, divide that by a high cost of living and decreasing “living wage” jobs, multiply that result by four or five mouths to feed and suddenly the percentages of families who can survive today goes way down.  Can someone in America still go from the alphabet streets of Anderson, South Carolina to the skyscrapers on Wall Street or a CEO’s office in Silicon Valley? Absolutely!  Do people win $640 million dollar Mega Millions jackpots?  Yes.  The odds are fairly similar.  If you add together all the “rags to riches” stories in Gen X or Gen Y, and then subtract all the “rags to the streets” stories, my guess is you will have a negative number; quite a high negative number. 
       Second, this “mathematics of poverty” is a generational cycle: children being born into an existence that teaches them hard work, dedication, and commitment only produces success for certain people and that the odds are stacked against them causes this cycle to repeat infinitely.  The only way to break this cycle is to insert an alternative set of numbers into the equation.
       In her book entitled A Framework for Understanding Poverty, author Ruby Payne suggests that much like the culture of a foreign country, the class system in America consists of distinct cultures.  In the poverty class, there are certain hidden “rules” of class that people who make up that class follow—so too with the middle class and the wealthy class.  If you grow up in a particular class, you learn the hidden rules of your class.  For most people, the only way to move from one class to the next is to have someone teach you the hidden rules, and “show you the ropes” of that class, so to speak.
       Countless studies have shown that most individuals who dig themselves out of poverty do so with the help of others.  It usually takes a committed teacher, a dedicated social worker, or a close friend or fellow church member to help a person navigate the complex and confusing rituals of class society.  It is a mentor, whether formal or informal, who makes the difference for most people who make the journey, especially children born in poverty.
       The other common factor for most people who move out of poverty is their recognition of the importance of education.  It is only through education in its purest sense—learning how to learn—that people in poverty discover a better way.  Education frees them from many of the stereotypes common to the hidden rules of their class.  The not so positive result of this education is that many of those friends and relatives still in poverty resent and pre-judge those leaving poverty through education as “having forgotten their roots.”  Dr. Payne says, “To move from poverty to middle class, an individual must give up many relationships for achievement.”  This means, many of the support systems those in poverty have constructed will have to be scraped (at least temporarily) in order to move forward.  This is a very scary place to be for most people—being called to leave the familiar and the known behind for the unfamiliar and the unknown.
        Recognizing the cycle of poverty, how the odds are stacked against those who live in poverty, and the importance of mentors and education in lifting people out of poverty is a beginning.  Seeing that this trip is much like Abraham’s Biblical journey from the land of his descendants into the land of the unknown and acknowledging the sacrifice those on the journey have to make begins to make the trip seem possible.  In my next post I’ll share even more concrete things the average person can do to help those trapped in poverty.

The Mathematics of Poverty II: The Children

     Another big lesson I’ve learned is that single parenthood is indeed “a miracle” as Morgan Freeman suggests in the movie “Bruce Almighty.”  $8.00 per hour is a full $0.75 above minimum wage, and produces a monthly net income of around $1,089 after taxes.  H.U.D. (and most sensible financial advisors) recommends a family never spend more than 30% of their total monthly income on housing.  What this means is a single mom should spend no more than $327 a month on housing.  Here in Anderson South Carolina that means a fundamental choice: safe or affordable.  The typical median rent for a two bedroom apartment here is around $425 a month.  Notice we haven’t even started calculating child care, medical expenses, transportation costs, or food and clothing in this equation.

This brings me to another lesson: helping families, especially single moms with more than one child, is a whole lot harder than most people think.  “Go get a job” is no answer—some of our moms have a job and are looking for a 2^nd job but have no idea how to pay for the extra childcare required for their 1^st job let alone the 2nd.  Their “job” also does not let them afford reliable transportation, quality childcare, safe housing, or the occasional ‘treat’ from a local fast food restaurant.  Unreliable transportation, poor living conditions, and unreliable childcare make a person use more sick days, be late for work more, and generally find it more difficult to maintain secure employment.  Are you beginning to see the cycle?  Add to this the fact that local public transportation does not allow a person to work before 8am or after 5pm (forget weekends), and childcare for 2^nd and 3^rd shift hours is non-existent—an equation begins to emerge.

     After a few years of this experience, many moms either “shack up” with someone (usually not someone who is a good example of “loving companion”) because it makes good financial sense and it beats suffering through this long-term hardship alone; or, they choose to give up and stop fighting for a quality lifestyle and just “exist,” being pushed around by circumstance and chance.  In my humble but accurate opinion, neither option is acceptable.

I am not saying we need to re-create the welfare state, or somehow redistribute wealth to make things “fair.”  I recognize some people—even single moms—make poor life choices that land them in circumstances that make life more difficult.   In Sands of Iwo Jima (1949), John Wayne's character, Sergeant Stryker, says, "Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." My philosophy professor used to say something similar: “reality tends to punish those who violate its tenets.”  I am not arguing we need to adjust the world so that these two quotes are false; what I am saying is there are some very small things we can do to make a profound difference in the circumstances that surround children who are growing up in this unstable, difficult environment.

     One of the most painful lessons I have learned centers on the children.  Children in impoverished families have made NO CHOICES, bad or otherwise, to LAND THEM IN POVERTY.  The children of these families have done absolutely nothing to deserve where they are or the difficult childhood they face.  Many of the adult parents have not only paid for their mistakes but continue to do so every single day.  At what point does the difficulty of their life atone for any poor choices they have made?  More importantly, what atonement are the children in these families making?  What have they done to deserve their situation? In my next post I’ll make some suggestions about how we might begin to shift the odds to help poverty stricken children come out on top.

The Mathematics of Poverty I

            So having served as Executive Director of a homeless shelter for children and their families for close to two years now, I have learned a lot.  The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that the so called “welfare state” no longer exists.  People continually complain about generational welfare, people who “live off the system,” and people who take advantage of government help.  I will be the first to say that there are a few people who have learned to navigate the system and use it to their advantage—but this is mainly in social security disability and usually not without the help of a very skilled attorney. 

“Welfare” as it is popularly known no longer exists.  The Federal Government offers “Temporary Assistance for Needy Families” or TANF through different state agencies.  In South Carolina, it is known as “Family Independence,” and not only has a 24 month time limit, but also a lifetime limit of 5 years.  Simply put, no family can receive cash assistance for more than 5 years in their lifetime.  Federal mandates require this 5 year lifetime limit, so it is nationwide.  In South Carolina, those receiving Family Independence must complete weekly job search requirements and volunteer 30 hours a week at a local non-profit or other such agency.  This cash assistance is no large sum of money either, typically less than $300 a month per family—ever tried to live on $300 a month?

            I think it is important to point this out because if we are going to help homeless families, we first need to get individuals and communities to understand that the families we seek to help are not looking for a handout or trying to take advantage of the generosity of strangers—they are families in serious need and do not have the resources or support system to become self-sustaining without assistance.

        I would like to spend the next several weeks outlining some of the problems I see facing families in the Upstate of South Carolina and how we might go about helping make those problems more navigable.  My goal today is to help foster the understanding that while there will always be those who are looking to take advantage of charity, there are an increasing number of hard working, well-meaning families who are falling into dire situations that they cannot get out of on their own.  More importantly, the children who grow up in those families have done nothing to put themselves into their dire situation nor can they help themselves get out.  So the next time you hear a political pundit spewing on about “ending the welfare state” remember—generational welfare no longer exists and what has replaced it are desperate families who want work for what they have and perhaps give their children a better life.

Get Busy Living?

                Throughout history, varying cultures have celebrated in various ways the themes of renewal or re-birth.  Typically these “New Year” celebrations contain a time to look back, reflect on the past year, and then look ahead to what a new cycle or year might bring.  I thought it would be appropriate as Family Promise heads into its third year of operation, to do some reflecting and some dreaming.

                While I think it is hard to quantify the work Family Promise does in terms of numbers, the numbers are nonetheless intriguing.  We have served over 56 children in 21 months of operation.  We have placed 17 families in housing, 11 of those families in 2011.  Of those 17 families, 16 are still currently housed.  We have seen two individuals get their driver’s license while in our program, 4 have started or completed some type of schooling, and well over 80% of our adult guests have gotten employment while with us.

                In 2011, our 14 Host Congregations have logged over 5,000 volunteer hours, and with our Support Congregations served over 1,000 meals.  Typically, congregations average between 20-30 volunteers per rotation, which means over 500 unique individuals have supported our program through volunteering, providing meals, or helping at our Day Center.

                But having watched Family Promise over this past year, I know those numbers don’t begin to tell the story of what we do.  There are literally thousands of individuals who give financial support, prayer support, volunteer support, and what I like to call “roll up your sleeves” support.  We have mechanics donating labor to help maintain guest vehicles, hair stylists donating haircuts, entire school systems collecting money and goods for our Day Center, property owners allowing guests to live at greatly reduced rent, anonymous donors who give furniture, appliances, clothing, and toys for our guests—the list is literally endless.  My frustration is we have so many people giving so graciously, it is difficult just to keep up with properly thanking them for their gifts!  So I take this moment to thank each and every one of you who have given of yourself, your resources, and your heart to make this program successful. 

                Unfortunately, for every family we have brought in, there have been countless families we have had to turn away.  According to District 5, close to 200 children have been identified as homeless in District 5—these are only the school-age children, and national statistics suggest that nearly 1/3 of all homeless children are preschoolers.  In addition, we currently receive no grant funding at all.  We are working toward that end, but grant funding is difficult to secure as a new non-profit agency, and so we rely solely on the generosity of individuals, churches, and local businesses for our operating budget.  This has, at times, forced us to turn away some guests desperately in need of shelter and hope.

As our guests transition from the program to independence, they are forced to make a choice between housing that is safe and housing that is affordable.  These are not people “living off the system,” these are employed moms and dads who work full time but still do not make enough money to live.  If you are a single mom who works full time at $8 per hour (minimum wage is only $7.25, so this is an above minimum wage job), you bring home roughly $1,000 per month after taxes.  According to HUD, this means you should spend no more than $300 a month on housing (30% of net income).  If you haven’t experienced our local rental market lately, $300 a month does not go far.  Some of our former guests still come to our office each week and sit down with our Carol, or Case Manager and budget their paycheck—it is so painful to see how hard they are working and how little they have left at the end of the month.

So if I could dream for our future I would like to see even more individuals, congregations, and local businesses involved in our work.  As more people see that our guest families are not the stereotypical “homeless people” portrayed on television or lampooned in campaign speeches, our community will begin to realize how great the need is around them, and how little it takes to make a lifelong difference in the lives of families.

I see congregations partnering to help maintain transitional houses that keep guests from having to choose between safe and affordable; I see established families stepping forward to mentor or help shepherd guest families as they graduate, helping them learn the ropes of the middle class; I see children in our network learning that people care about who they are, their hopes and their dreams; I see guests experiencing the hope that caring individuals can bring to a life.

Now that all the wrapping paper has made it to the trash can, the wrong-sized gifts have been returned, and the last New Year’s horn has been sounded, what next?  What will you do this year?  How will you make a difference?  When you are gone, what will people say about you?  Will they remember the gift you gave them for Christmas this year?  Will they remember your stunning toast at New Years?  Andy Dufresne said to his confidant Red in the motion picture The Shawshank Redemption: “I guess it comes down to a simple choice really, get busy living or get busy dying.”  Interested in tasting the very marrow of life?  Join us as we transform lives, give hope, and spread grace.  Get busy living.

The First Christmas Nativity

       Like many, this time of year conjures up pictures in my head of what the “first Christmas” must have been like.  From the nativity scenes in front yards to “Little Drummer Boy” on the radio, it is hard to make it through the holiday season without images of a new born, a proud, loving mother, a doting nervous father, and all the traditional nativity figurines gathered around this family in a semi-circle.   I can remember growing up thinking it must have been so much more peaceful back then—no fighting and fussing about what to get uncle Sam or aunt Joey, no last minute runs to the dollar store for more wrapping paper and bows, no stress about how to pay for it all.

        If you read Luke’s account of the first Christmas, it was much more horrible and stressful than this.  Our problem is, we always want to let Matthew’s account seep into our understanding.  Matthew, with his constant confirmation of God’s will through quoting the Old Testament, can hardly let Mary’s body conceive without proof-texting the event with the Scriptures.   All the authorities in the ancient world receive signs of the birth of the one who is to be “King of the Jews”—and while Herod’s murderous response to the news no joyous matter, it is nonetheless a stark contrast to Luke’s picture: the “powers that be” neither know nor even recognize the birth at all.  To be sure there are still angels announcing the birth—but their message is given not to kings or powerful sooth-sayers from the East, but to shepherds, the lowest of the low in the ancient world-- the ancient equivalent of "the working class."

        In Luke there are no lavish presents of gold, frakincense, and myrrh (ironically, even in Matthew’s account all indications are the magi weren’t present for that first night but came later and yet we insist on including them in our nativity scenes).  In Luke there are smelly stables complete with live animals, a feeding trough, and no room at the inn.  It is also telling that while Joseph is of David’s line, none of the extended family in Bethlehem offer to put Mary and Joseph up, despite Mary’s pregnancy.  Heck, even Clark Griswold lets his cousin Eddie (and family) park their RV in his driveway for Christmas.  While Mary seems to recognize something important is happening and others are “amazed” at the shepherds’ tails about this child, I think most were reserving their judgment until after the child was taken out of the feeding trough.

        Luke does his best to dress this picture up with angels, heavenly lights, and rumors running wild among “the working class; ” however, the center of Luke’s stage is undeniable: a homeless, unmarried couple, the girlfriend pregnant, forced by society and circumstance to give birth and live, for a while, in a barn.   This picture certainly does transform the meaning of Christmas, doesn’t it?  God could have chosen any stage in any place throughout the entire history of time and space, and this is the time and place God chooses? 

Family Promise knows something about homeless families with newborns forced by society and circumstance to live in uninhabitable places.  Rather than sitting in the midst of lavish gifts and massive meals for the holidays, perhaps the most accurate way to commemorate the first Christmas is to go spend the night in a house of worship with homeless families.  While your local house of worship might not be as bad as a stable, it is certainly an unconventional place to sleep for a week.

        So as you pass that well-lit nativity scene in your neighbor’s yard, or you sit down in the midst of your family and friends, belly full from Christmas dinner, if your mind’s eye is tempted to wander back to the scene of the “first Christmas” with fond nostalgia, please take a moment to correct the imagery.  Let Luke’s picture of the humble beginnings of the One who would become known as “the Savior of the world” sink into your psyche.  Take a moment to remember the families we have in our network, and acknowledge in your heart that it is in their midst that God chooses to break into history.

The REAL Christmas Story

I Interviewed a Guest-Family the other day

As soon as the female walks through my door, I can tell she is pregnant.  She introduces me to her "fiance" (they all introduce their boyfriends as fiances so as to make the most positive impression), and tells me they are from out of town.

 I discover after much probing the baby she is carrying is not her fiance's, but never really understand her explanation of who the baby actually belongs to--she says it is a miracle baby but it sounds more like a one-night stand to me.  She is very pregnant, which means she won't be able to get a job for at least 2-3 months.   The government required them to move here; at least, that is what she tells me.   We talk for over an hour but I still don't fully understand the justification behind that explanation either.

They both claim they need shelter and have to be in town through the Christmas season, but do not plan on staying.  They do have relatives in the area, but the relatives have a full house because of Christmas and can only offer them the barn they have out back.

Do I go through the expense of drug testing these people?  Are they right for our program?  Can we manage all the inconvenience of admitting them the week of Christmas?  How will the Host Congregations handle them?  Will the present a positive image for our program, successfully graduating and showing the community we are a legitimate organization?  Will they just leave for another state when their 30 day time is up?  Will their relatives really make them stay in the barn?

Growing up I was always taught that the birth of Jesus was a regal, stately, earth-shattering, come-from-all-corners-of-the-earth-to-celebrate event.  After all, prophets and sooth-sayers travel from halfway around the world to present three of the most valuable commodities known in the Ancient Near-Eastern world to this young infant.  King Herod has an entire city of infants massacred in an attempt to destroy the future "King of the Jews" before he ever comes to power.  The Hebrew Scriptures even predict where this great king will be born, and the stars across the Universe align themselves to confirm the location.

In our modern picture of Christmas, a well-adjusted stable two-parent family gathers in suitable housing together for a meal and the exchange of gifts.  In the real Biblical account, an unwed mother and her "fiance" experience the birthing process far from hospital or mid-wife, with only dirty, smelly animals and shepherds around to witness the event.  Their biggest struggle in the next three to six months is not which gifts to return or which items of clothing don't fit; they are forced to flee to a foreign country as aliens and strangers, probably struggling to keep shelter over their heads and food in their stomachs, while the unwieldy powers of the world unleash unfathomable genocide on the "one-stoplight" town of Bethlehem.

My would-be guests applying for shelter paint a much more realistic picture of Christmas in my opinion than do our cultural stereotypes.  Mary and Joseph are displaced from their home town by no fault of their own--the government orders it.  They are a pregnant engaged couple and the story they tell about the pregnancy being a miracle of God is just as much a "hard sale" then as it would be today.

While parts of the Biblical narrative (specifically Matthew's gospel) locate the theological significance of the birth of the Kingly Christ in the universal, stately history of kingdom and crown, we should never forget the earthy, true-to-life picture from the eyes of Mary and Joseph.  My Sunday School teachers sold me Matthew's kingly political account growing up, but after experiencing a few Christmas celebrations in the real world, I find the earthly view from the perspective of Joseph and Mary much closer to my own experience of God choosing to bestow grace in the strangest, most back-water places.  May we all have the wisdom and the commitment to look for that grace in out of the way places and situations this Advent Season.

Grace & Peace
Mark