Another big lesson I’ve learned is that single parenthood is indeed “a miracle” as Morgan Freeman suggests in the movie “Bruce Almighty.” $8.00 per hour is a full $0.75 above minimum wage, and produces a monthly net income of around $1,089 after taxes. H.U.D. (and most sensible financial advisors) recommends a family never spend more than 30% of their total monthly income on housing. What this means is a single mom should spend no more than $327 a month on housing. Here in Anderson South Carolina that means a fundamental choice: safe or affordable. The typical median rent for a two bedroom apartment here is around $425 a month. Notice we haven’t even started calculating child care, medical expenses, transportation costs, or food and clothing in this equation.
This brings me to another lesson: helping families, especially single moms with more than one child, is a whole lot harder than most people think. “Go get a job” is no answer—some of our moms have a job and are looking for a 2nd job but have no idea how to pay for the extra childcare required for their 1st job let alone the 2nd. Their “job” also does not let them afford reliable transportation, quality childcare, safe housing, or the occasional ‘treat’ from a local fast food restaurant. Unreliable transportation, poor living conditions, and unreliable childcare make a person use more sick days, be late for work more, and generally find it more difficult to maintain secure employment. Are you beginning to see the cycle? Add to this the fact that local public transportation does not allow a person to work before 8am or after 5pm (forget weekends), and childcare for 2nd and 3rd shift hours is non-existent—an equation begins to emerge.
After a few years of this experience, many moms either “shack up” with someone (usually not someone who is a good example of “loving companion”) because it makes good financial sense and it beats suffering through this long-term hardship alone; or, they choose to give up and stop fighting for a quality lifestyle and just “exist,” being pushed around by circumstance and chance. In my humble but accurate opinion, neither option is acceptable.
I am not saying we need to re-create the welfare state, or somehow redistribute wealth to make things “fair.” I recognize some people—even single moms—make poor life choices that land them in circumstances that make life more difficult. In Sands of Iwo Jima (1949), John Wayne's character, Sergeant Stryker, says, "Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid." My philosophy professor used to say something similar: “reality tends to punish those who violate its tenets.” I am not arguing we need to adjust the world so that these two quotes are false; what I am saying is there are some very small things we can do to make a profound difference in the circumstances that surround children who are growing up in this unstable, difficult environment.
One of the most painful lessons I have learned centers on the children. Children in impoverished families have made NO CHOICES, bad or otherwise, to LAND THEM IN POVERTY. The children of these families have done absolutely nothing to deserve where they are or the difficult childhood they face. Many of the adult parents have not only paid for their mistakes but continue to do so every single day. At what point does the difficulty of their life atone for any poor choices they have made? More importantly, what atonement are the children in these families making? What have they done to deserve their situation? In my next post I’ll make some suggestions about how we might begin to shift the odds to help poverty stricken children come out on top.
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